Having a baby means surrendering all sense of cleanliness and tidiness to a little tyrant that oozes foul smelling liquids from every orifice. It’s no use trying to fight it. Just accept defeat. Here are 14 signs that your car has been taken over by a child.

1. An infinite amount of pine tree car fresheners could not get rid of the baby sick smell.


Ah, eau de rotten milk. You’re gonna need a lot more of these.

2. Your glove box is 95% liquid.

You didn’t want to use that storage space anyway.

3. The only CD that works seems to have been designed just to drive parents crazy.


No one loves you Barney.

4. Its quicker to count the parts of the car that aren’t covered in a strange sticky liquid.

Wet wipes are never enough.

5. Windows have more hand prints then a thousand year old cave painting.

Is it art if its baby grease?

6. You’ve experienced a MLE (mass liquid expulsion) event whilst driving.


More devastation then a Hollywood disaster film.

7. “What does this button do?” Well whatever it did, it doesn’t any more.

No dashboard is baby proof.

8. No matter how much Tetris you’ve played, you can never fit everything perfectly into the boot.


It’s just not possible!

9. You’re unsure if that brown stain on the seat is chocolate but are too scared to check.

The longer you leave it, the worse it will get.

10. A baby on board sign is not a warning, it’s a cry for help.

11. You have to keep handy a survival kit of toys and games to keep your child distracted whilst driving.

Distraction is your only weapon.

12. Most days you are not the driver, you are the referee in the longest wrestling feud in history.

They’re not going to listen.

13. Choosing a passenger seat is a game of Russian roulette, except no matter which one you choose, you’re going to end up sitting in some sort of mess.

Hope your trousers are easy wipe.

14. And your floor resembles some sort of bizarre modern art piece.


This is on a good day.

More “advice” for new parents:

Creditplus guide to getting your car baby ready Is your car suitable for your new baby? The safest cars for your children Which of our cars has the biggest boot space? top ten family cars for under five thousand pounds 10 videos to make you want to have a baby in your car

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